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So, in this scene, characters Matthew and Marilla have decided to adopt an orphan boy to help out with chores. A family friend, Rachel, comes by to talk to Marilla about the dangers of adopting.
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Marilla:
Oh, I suppose you may as well know. Matthew went to Bright River. We're getting a little boy from the orphan asylum in Nova Scotia.
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Nick:
Orphan ASYLUM?
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Me:
Huh, who'd have thought that the Shalebridge Cradle was still operational in 20th century Canada?
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Marilla:
So we sent for an orphan boy - old enough to do some chores right now, but young enough to be trained up proper.
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Rachel:
Well, Marilla, I'll tell you plain that I think you're doing a mighty foolish thing - bringing a strange child into your home - not knowing a single thing about him. Why just last week I read in the paper about a man and his wife that took a boy out of the orphanage, and he set fire to the house - on purpose.
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Me:
Holy shit.
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Nick:
Well, what do you expect when you adopt a kid from the ORPHAN ASYLUM?
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Me:
Seriously, if you're stupid enough to make that mistake, then you deserve to have your house burned to the ground.
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Rachel:
But the worst one - they say that an orphan poured poison down the well and the whole family died in fearful agony.
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Me:
Wow.
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Nick:
Well, I'm sure this will in no way bite them on the ass in the future.
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We left the joke afterward until, an act later, a scene pops up where Anne makes a cake for Marilla and Mrs. Allan, but gets the ingredients mixed up.
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Marilla:
Mrs. Allan, don't eat anymore - not even to be nice. Anne Shirley, what did you put in this cake?
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Me:
What the...?
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Nick:
Wait...oh, shit...
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Anne:
Nothing but the recipe. What's wrong?
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Nick:
Oh, God...she's poisoned them!
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Me:
No fucking way...
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Marilla:
It's horrible. Taste it yourself. What flavoring did you use?
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Nick:
I so fucking called it!
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Anne:
Vanilla. Just vanilla. There's the bottle right in the cupboard.
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Marilla:
Mercy on us, Anne!
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Me (as Marilla):
"You've flavored the cake with cyanide! Your lighthearted, whimsical quirkiness has killed us all!"
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Nick (clearly baffled by everything):
Why would they keep cyanide in the cupboard...?
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Me:
Well, you never know when you'll need it. Helps deal with things like vermin infestations, Jehovah's Witnesses, and unwanted delightfully quirky orphans.
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Nick:
Good point, and well made.
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Me:
It was a different time. A better time.
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Nick:
Agreed.
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Me:
Cheers!
